Celiac, Celiac Disease, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Kitchen Bitch, Low Carb, Low Glycemic, Paleo, Recipes, Sides, Uncategorized

Garlic Pesto Goat Cheese Saute

Y’all. I’ve been doing a low carb diet (lifestyle… whatever) since January because to be blunt, my lady bits appreciate it most. With my insulin resistant PCOS, it’s just better all around for my health if I stick to a lower carb, diabetic friendly diet. As such, sometimes it’s difficult to get excited about foods and new recipes because, well, I love carbs. Red potatoes, french bread dripping with garlic butter, pasta with bolognese sauce… I want it all. Stupid lady bits.

But! Out of desperation today, I pulled together this saute and fell in love. I even made a terrible “it’s Friday, I’m in love” joke about it. This is how much I adore this saute. And since it’s chock full of vegetables in the form of cauliflower and artichoke hearts, it’s relatively healthy.

I randomly bought these artichoke hearts at Hy-Vee because the can label said, “small and tendar” and frankly, typos crack me up. It’s not often you can buy happiness for $1.32 per can, so I picked up four or five cans.

I started eating the artichoke hearts for snacks, but then I got sick of them, so I was still stuck with two cans. I also had a package of garlic herb goat cheese and a half-eaten jar of pesto that needed to be used before they go bad. Cue this saute. I’m not sure how you feel about goat cheese artichoke pizza, but it’s very reminiscent of that, so it was already delicious in theory in my book. But enough pontificating. Let’s get to the saute.

  • 2 oz garlic herb goat cheese
  • 1 lb cauliflower heads
  • 1 can quartered artichoke hearts (14.10 oz)
  • 1/4 cup Basil Pesto
  • 2 tablespoons salted butter
  • Optional (all to taste):
    • Cayenne Pepper
    • Paprika
    • Flavor God Garlic Lovers
    • White Pepper
    • Salt


  • Saute cauliflower heads in butter with seasonings of choice over medium heat until softened
  • Make well in the center of the pan and mix in pesto until cauliflower is coated
  • Make well in the center of the pan and melt down goat cheese, stirring until the cauliflower is coated
  • Drain artichoke hearts, make well in the center of the pan, and mix in
  • Continue cooking over medium heat for about five minutes or until the artichoke hearts are warmed through
  • Serve with protein of choice or enjoy a double portion for a vegetarian lunch!

That’s it! How simple is that and it was so delicious. I hope you love it as much I did.


Kitchen B.


  • 202 calories
  • 14.2g fat
  • 587.5mg sodium
  • 11.2g carbs
  • 5.9g fiber
  • 3.7g sugar
  • 6.8g protein
  • Vitamin A: 13.2% of daily values
  • Vitamin C: 90.5% of daily values
  • Iron: 14.2% of daily values



Aldi, Celiac, Celiac Disease, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Kitchen Bitch, liveGfree, Reviews

Gluten Free Reviews: liveGfree Chicken Roja Tamale Bites

After the high of the Macaroni & Cheese I got from Aldi’s liveGfree line, I went temporarily insane and bought approximately one billion of their products the last time I went grocery shopping. These Chicken Roja Tamale Bites were one of the casualties. Surprisingly, from all of the products I’ve gotten from this gluten free line, this is the only one so far that I’ve had any complaint with. I’m not sure if it’s a legitimate complaint, though – I think I had different expectations for what these were from what they actually turned out to be. I had a friend in Memphis who would make a massive batch of tamales every year with her mother and sisters. She would kindly bring me 10 tamales to work with her and they were always amazing. So my views are pretty skewed.

For what these were, they were pretty good. Imagine those crunchy corn nuggets you used to be served in your elementary school cafeteria. Now replace the gross corn with delicious slightly spicy shredded chicken filling and replace the batter with a masa harina batter. Sounds delicious, right? Well, they were. I think what threw me off (spitting in the face of my normally logical person) was I was weirdly expecting the steamed texture of tamales when the instructions call for baking the bites. Since they’re baked, they have that crunchy exterior I equate with corn nuggets. They did take longer to bake than the box called for – it suggested 15 minutes baking time and they were still doughy at that point. I lowered the temperature to 325* and baked them for 10-15 minutes longer and they were perfect.

Overall, these were okay, but not great. I probably won’t get them again, but someone else may really enjoy them.


Kitchen Bitch

Aldi, Celiac, Celiac Disease, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Kitchen Bitch, liveGfree, Pasta, Reviews

Gluten Free Reviews: liveGfree Macaroni & Cheese

If you’re eating gluten free, you may have found that the substitutes for beloved favorites often fall short of the mark and that’s putting it kindly. Macaroni & Cheese was one of those foods that I’ve desperately tried to find a good substitute for and have experienced the gamut of disgusting from mealy to gloopy to sticking to your teeth to just plain gross. We recently started shopping at Aldi and discovered their plethora of gluten free alternatives in their liveGfree line. Everything I’ve had in that line has been amazing and surprisingly, often better quality or in taste than the “normal” gluten filled products.

Enough time has passed since my last gluten free Macaroni & Cheese fiasco that I felt brave enough to try out the liveGfree version and I was pleasantly surprised! It’s one of the microwaveable meals and I’d put it on par with comparable “normal” products (except Stouffer’s, because nothing can compare with my sharp, melty, delicious goddess of cheese and pasta). 

The sauce is cheesy and creamy without that familiar gloop texture that gluten free sauces often get. An 8 ounce serving size has 370 calories, 750mg sodium, 51g total carbohydrates, 2g fiber, and a whopping 9g protein. It clearly isn’t an everyday meal option, but it is definitely worth the calories and carbs for the flavor. There are some ugly words in the ingredients list, but I’m willing to overlook them since the pasta is so delicious and they’re actually at a minimum. The majority of the ingredients listed are wholly recognizable – corn pasta made with corn flour and water, cream, cheddar cheese, milk, salt, white wine, & dijon mustard. Hello!? That’s most of the ingredients you’d use if making homemade Macaroni & Cheese.

This one is definitely worth a look if you’re missing the cheesy, creamy amazingness of Macaroni & Cheese.


Kitchen Bitch

Breakfast, Celiac, Dairy Free, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Low Glycemic, Snacks

Low Glycemic “Granola”

I don’t know about y’all, but in the summertime, I am not about some slaving over a hot ass stove to make myself some breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or supper. Or elevenses. Or snacks. Or second breakfast, even. (In case you were wondering, yes, I *am* a hobbit unicorn mermaid.) Since it’s gotten warmer, I’ve started mass cooking the meats & veggies for the entire week on one day on the grill and making things I won’t have to heat up later. Like this granola.

As we all know, I am a broken, broken Kitchen Bitch. One of my issues is that I have PCOS, which means that my body is naturally insulin resistant, which means I really need to lay off the fucking sugar. Another is that I have celiac disease, which means that I can’t have most grains or seasonings that seem to be in every-fucking-thing in the world. Combine these two and it could make for a boring diet of plain baked meats and steamed veggies. Cue… wait for it… me. I love flavor. I love spices. I absolutely cannot deal with bland foods. I’d rather drink cod oil. So I generally have to make my own foods that others can just buy at the store. This is where my “granola” comes in. It is awesome. Sweet, spicy, all natural, won’t shove your blood sugar through the roof goodness. I normally eat a half or quarter cup of it as a snack or eat it with milk as a “cereal.” Related, have you ever thought about cereal? It’s like a cold soup. For breakfast. Isn’t that weird? Anyhow. Make this “granola.” It’s amazeballs.

Low Glycemic “Granola”


  • 1/4 lb organic chipped coconut
  • 1/2 lb. low glycemic snack mix
    • I bought both the chipped coconut and the low glycemic snack mix from the bulk section of HyVee, this awesome grocery store they have in the Midwest. No, they’re not paying me to say that. I just really like HyVee. But I’m always willing to be paid to say that. Because I just really like HyVee. I’m just saying. But I digress. This particular snack mix has dried apricots, dried apples, raw pistachios, walnuts, raw pecans, and cinnamon.
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp cayenne
  • 1 pinch celtic sea salt
  • 1/4 c coconut oil
  • 1/4 c maple syrup


  • Pre-heat oven to 325*.
  • Line a lipped cookie sheet with parchment paper and pour low glycemic snack mix and chipped coconut into pan.
  • Mix with hands and spread evenly over bottom of the cookie sheet.
  • Melt down coconut oil on stove or in microwave and whisk in the cinnamon, cayenne, and sea salt.
  • Once that is all mixed thoroughly, whisk in the maple syrup and pour over ingredients in the pan.
  • Bake for 15-20 minutes or until coconut chips have begun browning, stirring occasionally.
  • Let cool and store in mason jar, in ziploc bags, or an airtight container for up to two months in the fridge. It can also be frozen.
Before baking... you'll notice I just left a large glob of coconut oil on top of everything to melt down in the oven. Do as I say, not as I do.  I kid. But really...

Before baking… you’ll notice I just left a large glob of coconut oil on top of everything to melt down in the oven. Do as I say, not as I do. I kid. But really…

That’s it! Hope you enjoy.


Kitchen Bitch

21DSD, Celiac, Dairy Free, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Kitchen Bitch, Paleo, Recipes

Homemade Breakfast Sausage

So… I’ve been noticeably absent. I know because a friend was quick to point out that I personally haven’t written a post in nearly a month. A lot has contributed to that, but mainly because of my health. I found a lump under my right armpit and with my family history of cancer, felt it was worth a.) freaking out about it and b.) having checked out by a qualified medical professional.

Regardless, I’m bouncing back now – they believe it was just an inflamed lymph node and I was put on amoxicillin, but it grew three times as large as it was originally, so in turn, I was, in the words of my doctor, placed on “the strongest antibiotics available in pill form.” Two weeks later, the lump is almost back down to its original size and I have a followup appointment with a specialist. Yay for my crappy genetics.

But all of that is beside the point. You people come here for some motherfucking recipes and you’re gonna motherfucking get ’em.

I started making my own breakfast sausage when I started doing 21DSD because the regular sausage available in stores usually have a lot of fillers and sugar in them. Once I was diagnosed with celiac, I just kept right on making my own because I don’t like reading labels and wondering if I’m going to be glutened by something that quite frankly doesn’t need any flour in it, much less MSG or corn syrup. But enough politics. Moving on to the breakfast-y goodness.

Breakfast Sausage


  • 1 lb. ground meat of your choice
    • I normally mix 1 lb. ground turkey and 1 lb. ground pork and double the recipe
  • 2 tsp. sage
  • 1 tsp. celtic or kosher sea salt
  • 1 tsp. thyme
  • 2 tsp. cayenne
  • 1 tsp. black pepper
  • 1 tsp. paprika
  • 1 tsp. worcestershire sauce, liquid aminos, or coconut aminos (for smokiness)
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced

That’s it!


  1. Mix seasonings together in small bowl (Don’t dump on top of the meat willy nilly like I did – it doesn’t mix as well and you get pockets of oh, say, cayenne, then you cough a lot and drink three glasses of water. But I live dangerously, so…) 2015-04-21 16.19.41
  2. Dump meat into large mixing bowl
  3. Sprinkle seasonings over ground meat and mix thoroughly with hands. If you’re using ground turkey, be careful not to overmix or the end result will have a mealy texture that is completely off putting and gag-inducing. I know this from personal experience. Just don’t overmix ground turkey. Ever.
  4. Cook as normal in oven or on stove-top

This recipe should serve 8 two-ounce portions.

2014-12-29 16.10.46

Now isn’t that easy AF? And if you don’t like the proportions of ingredients, it’s very easy to adjust them. You’re on a low sodium diet? Lower the salt by half. Don’t like your breakfast sausage spicy? Don’t use the cayenne pepper. Too much sage? Reduce it by half. Sometimes I like to play around with the usual recipe and throw something completely unexpected in like cumin, cinnamon, or nutmeg. That’s the thing about making your own food. You can adjust it to your personal preferences. Enjoy!


Kitchen Bitch

21DSD, Celiac, Dairy Free, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Kitchen Bitch, Paleo, Recipes

Egg Roll Bowl

I thought I’d invented this recipe, but my terrible friend “Ted Bigsby” kindly pointed out that I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake and neither is this recipe. But that’s fine. It’s still delicious and Bigsby can eat a bag of balls.

Said bag of balls.

Said bag of balls.

I’ve been promising this recipe for maybe a month to a couple of people, so here it is!

Egg Roll Bowl


  • 1 large cabbage, shredded or sliced into strips
  • 9 oz. julienned carrots ( I went the lazy route and just bought a bag of matchstick carrots)
  • 1 lb. ground pork
  • 1 head of celery, finely chopped (about 8 oz.)
  • 1/4 cup coconut aminos (or liquid aminos or soy sauce)
  • 2 tablespoons coconut aminos (or liquid aminos or soy sauce)
  • 2 teaspoons ginger
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 tablespoon fat of choice (I used bacon fat)
  • Optional
    • 1 tablespoon Sriracha
    • 1 tablespoon sesame oil
    • green onion, chopped, for garnish


  1. Cook ground pork and 1/4 cup coconut aminos over medium-high heat, breaking up into crumbles until done. Remove from pan.
  2. In large pot, stir-fry sriracha, ginger, garlic, carrots, and celery in 1 tablespoon of fat and 2 tablespoons coconut aminos.
  3. Add ground pork and cabbage to carrot and celery mixture. Cook over medium-low heat until the cabbage is cooked down and caramelized. Remove from heat and serve.
  4. Optional: Once removed from heat, stir 1 tablespoon sesame oil into mixture, then serve with green onion garnish

This recipe should serve 8 regular or 4 large portions

Egg Roll Bowl



Kitchen Bitch

P.S. – Grad School will be out for three weeks (SPRING BREAK, BABY!!!), so I’ll be taking a brief hiatus. We shall return April 24th with a guest post from Rachel Smith!

21DSD, Celiac, Gluten Free, Grocery List, Kitchen Bitch, Meal Plan, Meal Planning

Meal Plan Monday: 03.09.15 – 03.15.15

Alright, so last week, we ended up eating out twice – once because of Chuck’s writing group on Monday, and again on Friday because I had a doctor’s appointment in the Quad Cities, which is a two hour drive round-trip. Monday, we ended up ordering Chinese delivery and I had Shrimp with Lobster Sauce with plain, steamed brown rice. Friday, we went to Thunder Bay Grille and I had the most amazing bouillabaisse, prompting me to make my own the next day with some leftover cod, shrimp, scallops, and some chopped up veggies from the depths of the freezer.

We ended up eating leftovers more often than usual and I may or may not have cheated on the 21 Day Sugar Detox two days in a row by eating an Udi’s gluten free uncured pepperoni pizza. Spoilers: Udi’s is NOT good the next day. So here’s to actually following the meal plan this week, since I have less schoolwork due for grad school than usual and only have one doctor’s appointment on Friday. 


  • Eggs, bacon
  • Oatmeal with strawberries, blueberries, cream, and honey
  • Yogurt with strawberries and blueberries
  • Leftovers from dinner the night before


  • Deli meat & dill pickle rollups with spinach salad
    • This is so incredibly easy and tasty! I’ve been taking Applegate smoked turkey slices, slathering them with a thin layer of mayo & a line of mustard, then rolling them up around a quartered dill pickle spear. They’re even good for taking your lunch to work or school, since there’s no bread to get gross and soggy from the condiments.
  • Cauli-broccoli mash
  • Pork chops and buffalo cauliflower
  • Broiled cod, broccoli, and half a cup of brown rice
  • Leftovers from dinner the night before


  • Green apples with nut butter
  • Yogurt with strawberries and blueberries
  • Dill pickle
  • A serving of pepperoni or a couple slices of deli meat
  • A serving of raw almonds
  • Cut up carrots and celery with nut butter


  • Monday
    • Roasted sweet potatoes, broiled pork chops, & vinegar green beans
  • Tuesday
    • Egg Roll Bowl
  • Wednesday
    • Chicken & Sweet Potato Crock
  • Thursday
    • Chicken, Sweet Potato, & Kale Soup made with bone broth
  • Friday
    • Grilled Chicken & Asparagus
  • Saturday
    • Shredded Chicken Tacos
  • Sunday
    • Leftovers

Grocery List:

  • Orange Juice
  • Salami
  • Pepperoni
  • Applegate smoked turkey slices
  • Peaches (for Chuck)
  • Eggs
  • Celery
  • Salsa
  • Raw baby spinach
  • Milk
  • Bottle of red wine

Late additions due to sales:

  • Organic pineapple juice (Normally nearly $6 per bottle, but I found some for $2.38.)

Impulse buys:

  • Mai Fun noodles (Since my celiac diagnosis, I can’t have normal ramen or pasta anymore, so once I’m done with 21DSD, I’m going to try them out.)
  • Quaker Popped Chocolate rice crisps – these are terrible simply for the fact that they have so many Frankenfood ingredients, but fuck if they don’t taste just like Cocoa Pebbles cereal. Not to mention, they go against everything on 21DSD. (Sorry, Amanda & Big! =/ )
  • Coconut Milk – I realized we were out and I normally keep one or two cans in the pantry.

All in all, we spent $64.37. A world away from our $329.62 tab last week. That one nearly kill’t me.


Kitchen Bitch