Beef, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Kitchen Bitch, Paleo, Pasta, Recipes, Uncategorized

I’m Back, Bishes! (And Bolognese Sauce)


This is about halfway through the cooking time, but you can already see how much the sauce has reduced on the side of the pot.

Okay, so it’s been about eight months since either of us has posted, but hey. That’s life, right? I’ve been waxing poetic about this Bolognese Sauce for weeks now and after the fifty millionth person asked for the recipe (and I pushed it on my stepmother), I decided to go ahead and just make a blog post about it. I’ve included two, count them, TWO of my secret ingredients that are included in nearly every savory dish I make. I doubt anyone would ever be able to pick them out, but they make the dish every single time. But more on that later. This dish will take you ALL DAY LONG to cook it (read: 6-7 hours including prep and cooking), but it’s worth it. Are you ready? Here we go.

  • 1/4 lb bacon, chopped OR 1/4 lb pancetta, chopped
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 1-2 red onions, chopped
  • 1 stalk celery, finely chopped
  • 1 carrot, grated
  • whole head garlic, minced
  • 6 oz tomato paste
  • 2 lb ground beef
  • 1 lb ground pork
  • 1 tablespoon oregano
  • 1 tablespoon basil
  • 1/2 tsp kosher salt
  • 1/2 tsp celery salt
  • 1 tsp white pepper
  • 1 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 1 tsp sage
  • 1 tsp marjoram
  • 1/2 tsp thyme
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • A few dashes fish sauce 
  • 1 cup dry white wine
  • 4 cups beef broth
  • 1-28oz can Italian crushed tomatoes
  • small pinch brown sugar
  • 1 cup whole milk OR 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • Heat large pot over medium-high heat until a drop of water sizzles on the bottom of the pan
  • Dump in chopped bacon and cook until crispy
  • Remove bacon and drain on paper towel
  • Turn heat down to medium-low and dump butter, carrot, onion, garlic, and celery into remaining bacon grease and saute until onion is caramelized. This should take about 20-30 minutes.
  • Make a well in the center of the pot and add seasonings and tomato paste, stir everything together
  • Make a well in the center of the pot and add ground beef and ground pork, cook until crumbled and browned
  • Dump bacon back into pot and raise heat to high
  • Make a well in the center of the pot and pour in wine, worcestershire sauce, fish sauce, and beef broth, scraping brown bits up from the bottom of the pot. Bring to boil for five minutes
  • Reduce to simmer, cook for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally
  • Add crushed tomatoes and sugar, bring to boil for two minutes
  • Partially cover and reduce to slow simmer, cooking for 4-5 hours, adding more beef broth as needed and stirring occasionally 
  • 1 hour before serving, stir in whole milk or heavy cream and salt and continue to simmer, stirring occasionally

Extra Add-Ins

  • Before serving, temper two large eggs with the sauce, then stir in to make the sauce silkier
  • Add a splash of balsamic vinegar or a squeeze of a half a lemon for extra flavor and acidity

Serve over pasta or zoodles with fresh grated Parmesan or romano. Also good used in lasagna or as a sauce for meatball subs.

This is NOT a low calorie recipe, but don’t skimp out on the fats. The extra calories are WORTH IT. 
The fish sauce is not optional. It and celery salt are my secret ingredients for pretty much any savory recipe. The fish sauce gives the recipe a depth of flavor and no one will ever know it’s in there unless you tell them. Super savory and gives it some umami. The celery salt? Well, if you’re cooking at home and after you do the taste test, something is still missing? 9 times out of 10, it’s celery salt. Promise. Would I lead you astray? Okay, so I probably would. But not on this. I don’t play play about celery salt. It’s important and delicious. 
Kitchen Bitch
21DSD, Celiac, Gluten Free, Grocery List, Kitchen Bitch, Meal Plan, Meal Planning

Meal Plan Monday: 03.09.15 – 03.15.15

Alright, so last week, we ended up eating out twice – once because of Chuck’s writing group on Monday, and again on Friday because I had a doctor’s appointment in the Quad Cities, which is a two hour drive round-trip. Monday, we ended up ordering Chinese delivery and I had Shrimp with Lobster Sauce with plain, steamed brown rice. Friday, we went to Thunder Bay Grille and I had the most amazing bouillabaisse, prompting me to make my own the next day with some leftover cod, shrimp, scallops, and some chopped up veggies from the depths of the freezer.

We ended up eating leftovers more often than usual and I may or may not have cheated on the 21 Day Sugar Detox two days in a row by eating an Udi’s gluten free uncured pepperoni pizza. Spoilers: Udi’s is NOT good the next day. So here’s to actually following the meal plan this week, since I have less schoolwork due for grad school than usual and only have one doctor’s appointment on Friday. 


  • Eggs, bacon
  • Oatmeal with strawberries, blueberries, cream, and honey
  • Yogurt with strawberries and blueberries
  • Leftovers from dinner the night before


  • Deli meat & dill pickle rollups with spinach salad
    • This is so incredibly easy and tasty! I’ve been taking Applegate smoked turkey slices, slathering them with a thin layer of mayo & a line of mustard, then rolling them up around a quartered dill pickle spear. They’re even good for taking your lunch to work or school, since there’s no bread to get gross and soggy from the condiments.
  • Cauli-broccoli mash
  • Pork chops and buffalo cauliflower
  • Broiled cod, broccoli, and half a cup of brown rice
  • Leftovers from dinner the night before


  • Green apples with nut butter
  • Yogurt with strawberries and blueberries
  • Dill pickle
  • A serving of pepperoni or a couple slices of deli meat
  • A serving of raw almonds
  • Cut up carrots and celery with nut butter


  • Monday
    • Roasted sweet potatoes, broiled pork chops, & vinegar green beans
  • Tuesday
    • Egg Roll Bowl
  • Wednesday
    • Chicken & Sweet Potato Crock
  • Thursday
    • Chicken, Sweet Potato, & Kale Soup made with bone broth
  • Friday
    • Grilled Chicken & Asparagus
  • Saturday
    • Shredded Chicken Tacos
  • Sunday
    • Leftovers

Grocery List:

  • Orange Juice
  • Salami
  • Pepperoni
  • Applegate smoked turkey slices
  • Peaches (for Chuck)
  • Eggs
  • Celery
  • Salsa
  • Raw baby spinach
  • Milk
  • Bottle of red wine

Late additions due to sales:

  • Organic pineapple juice (Normally nearly $6 per bottle, but I found some for $2.38.)

Impulse buys:

  • Mai Fun noodles (Since my celiac diagnosis, I can’t have normal ramen or pasta anymore, so once I’m done with 21DSD, I’m going to try them out.)
  • Quaker Popped Chocolate rice crisps – these are terrible simply for the fact that they have so many Frankenfood ingredients, but fuck if they don’t taste just like Cocoa Pebbles cereal. Not to mention, they go against everything on 21DSD. (Sorry, Amanda & Big! =/ )
  • Coconut Milk – I realized we were out and I normally keep one or two cans in the pantry.

All in all, we spent $64.37. A world away from our $329.62 tab last week. That one nearly kill’t me.


Kitchen Bitch

21DSD, Fish, Gluten Free, Kitchen Bitch, Recipes, Soups


I had the most killer Bouillabaisse from Thunder Bay Grille last night (Friday) and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day, so I ended up making my own this morning for lunch. This is a super simple stew you can make for your family that’s filled with veggies and creatures of the deep. You can pretend you’re Ariel and shit, eating your fishy friends. Too much? Oops.

Bouillabaisse is also known as Fisherman’s Stew and is traditionally made with Herbes de Provence, at least three different kinds of fish, and is served with crunchy bread and a mayonnaise type spread called rouille. Hi. Have you met me? This is not fucking happening. You want gourmand shit? Go see the Kitchen Witch. From what I’ve heard, she makes a killer Boeuf Bourguignon. From me? You’ll probably get something I threw together and was really fucking tasty, so I’m sharing it. Which is what happened here. You’re welcome.

Bouillabaisse de Jaws

(Try to get that theme song out of your head now. I dare you.)


  • 1 can diced tomatoes
  • 2 cod fillets
  • 1 lb. large shrimp
  • 6 scallops
  • 1 onion, roughly chopped
  • 1 green bell pepper, roughly chopped
  • 4 stalks celery, thinly sliced
  • 1 zucchini, diced with skin intact
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 2 tsp. Herbes de Provence
  • 1/2 tsp. cayenne (optional, but I like my Bouillabaisse a little spicy)
  • Salt & Pepper to taste
  • 3 cups fish broth
  • 1 tbsp. fat of choice (I used bacon grease)
  • 2 tbsp. fat of choice


  1. In pot, melt down 1 tbsp. of fat of choice and saute vegetables, garlic, cayenne, and Herbes de Provence until the onions are translucent over medium high heat. Turn down to medium-low, add can of diced tomatoes and fish broth. Let simmer while you’re working on other shit.
  2. In pan, melt down remaining 2 tbsp. of fat of choice and add shrimp and scallops. Pan fry until done, then throw in pot with veggies and broth. Cut cod fillets into chunks and pan fry until slightly browned on the outside. Throw that junk in the pot, too.
  3. Simmer everything together for about five minutes, salt and pepper to taste, then serve.

This recipe should serve 3-4 normal portions or 2 very hungry people.


‘Scuse me while I go lick the last drops of this out of my bowl. Don’t mind the drooling.


Kitchen Bitch

ETA: this recipe has been shared as a part of a real food roundup here

Celiac, Gluten Free, Kitchen Bitch, Recipes

Bone Broth and an Update

We started this blog with the intention to do biweekly updates, but several things have halted progress on that front. Most distinctly, my health. After going in to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, through blood tests originally taken to determine if my blood cell counts were at scary cancerous levels, we found out that my blood volume was dangerously low – half of what it should be at the lowest average level, that I was dangerously anemic, and that I have celiac disease. Several blood & stool samples, antibiotics, iron supplements, gallons of orange juice (the vitamin C helps your body absorb iron better), and various other medical interventions, here we are. I’ve been eating an exclusively gluten free diet for about a month now and I’ve immediately seen a huge difference in the way I feel and look. The whole blood volume and iron deficiency issue is still being worked on, but it will probably be up to 6 months before that’s even fractionally resolved. Can’t wait for those monthly blood tests.*

I have more energy, I’m more alert, my sleeping patterns are better, I’ve been experiencing less fibromyalgia flare-ups, and am experiencing significantly less gastrointestinal issues. I’ve lost 5 lbs. and have seen a noticeable difference in bloating. I’m fitting into my “skinny” jeans again without effort. I don’t have to lay down to get them buttoned and zipped. No muffin top. To say that I’m amazed is putting it mildly. Looking back on how I’ve reacted physically, emotionally, and somatically in the past after eating meals with wheat, I can see where the issue was.

For example, my husband (Chuck) and I completed the 21 Day Sugar Detox in January in hopes of cutting down on our sugar consumption. I knew I was out of control with my 12 oz. can of ginger ale per day habit. When Amanda, a college friend, put out an open call for people to join her in doing 21DSD, I immediately said I’d join her. The day Chuck and I were done, we visited Granite City and partook in carb-ladened, flour filled meals. I got through 3 bites of my “adult” macaroni and cheese made with regular penne pasta and a buttery bread crumb topping before I was so bloated that my jeans felt 2 sizes too small and had to visit the restroom. I was miserable.

Needless to say, this celiac diagnosis makes a lot of sense and makes me feel almost like a weight has been lifted. I know what was wrong with me and it’s fixable. I can live with this, although it may be difficult. In the meantime, you’ll be benefitting from my issues. I’m cooking a lot more now, as I’m afraid that I don’t have many options for gluten-free eating where I live. Recently, I’ve been pretty obsessed with making bone broth and having a warmed cup in the morning with my breakfast like someone else would have a cup of coffee. I try to use lots of anti-inflammatory ingredients when making bone broth, like ginger, garlic, dark leafy greens that are about to turn, and onion ends. We normally roast a whole chicken at least once per week, so once we’ve picked over the carcass, I put it in a ziploc bag in the freezer. When I have some ends of vegetables or extra bones from bone-in steaks, pork chops, or random other vegetables that are about to turn, I put them in the bag as well.

Rotating clockwise from top left: everything spicy, lemon & garlic, garlic lovers, and everything Flavor God seasonings.

Simmering broth – the vegetables break down quite a bit, but that’s what you’re after so the nutrients can leach out into the broth. Once you’re done simmering the broth for 48 hours, the vegetables should be falling apart and have little to no flavor left to them.

Once that bag is full, I pull it out and throw it in the electric roasting pan on 220* for about 48 hours with enough water to cover it, plus about an inch more of water, a tablespoon or two of some kind of acid, like apple cider vinegar, white vinegar, or lemon juice, and a liberal sprinkling of a good quality salt, like Celtic sea salt or Himalayan pink salt. About 15 minutes before I turn off the roasting pan, I sprinkle in about a tablespoon of Flavor God‘s Everything or Garlic lovers seasoning, stirring it in. As the water evaporates, I add more in so it doesn’t burn. I try to heat the water on the stove before I pour it in so it doesn’t drastically change the temperature of the broth, but I have been known to just throw a carafe full of water directly into the roasting pan. What can I say? This bitch lives dangerously. On occasion, I’ve purchased beef marrow bones to supplement what I already have. When I use those, I turn the roasting pan on 400*, lay the bones in the bottom of the pan marrow side down (the side with the most marrow showing), and roast them for 20-30 minutes. This gives a richer flavor and depth to the taste of the broth and it generally produces a darker broth in color as well.

Strained broth

Cooled and congealed fat on top of broth

Once everything cools enough to comfortably pick up the roasting pan, I strain the bones and vegetables through a fine mesh strainer and allow the broth to cool in the refrigerator until the fat forms a layer on the top of the broth and the broth is completely cool.

Skimmed and rinsed fat chunks

Skimming the fat off, I put the chunks back into a fine mesh strainer, then rinse it with cool water, saving it for cooking later. Supposedly, the rinsed fat can be saved for up to 6 months, but I don’t keep it past a week. (Not that it often lasts longer than that time period anyhow…)

The cooled broth goes into pint sized mason jars and I use it in my cooking or as my morning warm cup of something. It especially makes for an awesome risotto.

4 pints of bone broth and 6 ounces of fat

There’s tons of articles and blogs out there on the advantages of adding bone broth to your diet, so I won’t go into it here, but regardless of its benefits, it’s fucking delicious, so you should try making a batch of your own. If nothing else, you can keep it on hand for a more delicious and nutrient dense version of the “stock” in the grocery stores, since the FrankenFood you’ll find there is made of sub par ingredients, often has added sugar, chemically modified salts, added flavorings, and added colorings. This may be an issue for individuals who have gluten sensitivities, since caramel coloring in particular is a triggering ingredient.

Gluten free or not, I hope you try your hand at making your own bone broth at home. Like I said… it’s fucking delicious. Going forward, I’ll be posting at least once per week on Mondays. Enjoy, bitches!


Kitchen Bitch

*Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but it still entertains me.