Breakfast, Celiac, Dairy Free, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Low Glycemic, Snacks

Low Glycemic “Granola”

I don’t know about y’all, but in the summertime, I am not about some slaving over a hot ass stove to make myself some breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or supper. Or elevenses. Or snacks. Or second breakfast, even. (In case you were wondering, yes, I *am* a hobbit unicorn mermaid.) Since it’s gotten warmer, I’ve started mass cooking the meats & veggies for the entire week on one day on the grill and making things I won’t have to heat up later. Like this granola.

As we all know, I am a broken, broken Kitchen Bitch. One of my issues is that I have PCOS, which means that my body is naturally insulin resistant, which means I really need to lay off the fucking sugar. Another is that I have celiac disease, which means that I can’t have most grains or seasonings that seem to be in every-fucking-thing in the world. Combine these two and it could make for a boring diet of plain baked meats and steamed veggies. Cue… wait for it… me. I love flavor. I love spices. I absolutely cannot deal with bland foods. I’d rather drink cod oil. So I generally have to make my own foods that others can just buy at the store. This is where my “granola” comes in. It is awesome. Sweet, spicy, all natural, won’t shove your blood sugar through the roof goodness. I normally eat a half or quarter cup of it as a snack or eat it with milk as a “cereal.” Related, have you ever thought about cereal? It’s like a cold soup. For breakfast. Isn’t that weird? Anyhow. Make this “granola.” It’s amazeballs.

Low Glycemic “Granola”

Ingredients:

  • 1/4 lb organic chipped coconut
  • 1/2 lb. low glycemic snack mix
    • I bought both the chipped coconut and the low glycemic snack mix from the bulk section of HyVee, this awesome grocery store they have in the Midwest. No, they’re not paying me to say that. I just really like HyVee. But I’m always willing to be paid to say that. Because I just really like HyVee. I’m just saying. But I digress. This particular snack mix has dried apricots, dried apples, raw pistachios, walnuts, raw pecans, and cinnamon.
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp cayenne
  • 1 pinch celtic sea salt
  • 1/4 c coconut oil
  • 1/4 c maple syrup

Directions:

  • Pre-heat oven to 325*.
  • Line a lipped cookie sheet with parchment paper and pour low glycemic snack mix and chipped coconut into pan.
  • Mix with hands and spread evenly over bottom of the cookie sheet.
  • Melt down coconut oil on stove or in microwave and whisk in the cinnamon, cayenne, and sea salt.
  • Once that is all mixed thoroughly, whisk in the maple syrup and pour over ingredients in the pan.
  • Bake for 15-20 minutes or until coconut chips have begun browning, stirring occasionally.
  • Let cool and store in mason jar, in ziploc bags, or an airtight container for up to two months in the fridge. It can also be frozen.
Before baking... you'll notice I just left a large glob of coconut oil on top of everything to melt down in the oven. Do as I say, not as I do.  I kid. But really...

Before baking… you’ll notice I just left a large glob of coconut oil on top of everything to melt down in the oven. Do as I say, not as I do. I kid. But really…

That’s it! Hope you enjoy.

xoxo,

Kitchen Bitch

Standard
21DSD, Celiac, Dairy Free, Egg Free, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Kitchen Bitch, Paleo, Recipes

Homemade Breakfast Sausage

So… I’ve been noticeably absent. I know because a friend was quick to point out that I personally haven’t written a post in nearly a month. A lot has contributed to that, but mainly because of my health. I found a lump under my right armpit and with my family history of cancer, felt it was worth a.) freaking out about it and b.) having checked out by a qualified medical professional.

Regardless, I’m bouncing back now – they believe it was just an inflamed lymph node and I was put on amoxicillin, but it grew three times as large as it was originally, so in turn, I was, in the words of my doctor, placed on “the strongest antibiotics available in pill form.” Two weeks later, the lump is almost back down to its original size and I have a followup appointment with a specialist. Yay for my crappy genetics.

But all of that is beside the point. You people come here for some motherfucking recipes and you’re gonna motherfucking get ’em.

I started making my own breakfast sausage when I started doing 21DSD because the regular sausage available in stores usually have a lot of fillers and sugar in them. Once I was diagnosed with celiac, I just kept right on making my own because I don’t like reading labels and wondering if I’m going to be glutened by something that quite frankly doesn’t need any flour in it, much less MSG or corn syrup. But enough politics. Moving on to the breakfast-y goodness.

Breakfast Sausage

Ingredients:

  • 1 lb. ground meat of your choice
    • I normally mix 1 lb. ground turkey and 1 lb. ground pork and double the recipe
  • 2 tsp. sage
  • 1 tsp. celtic or kosher sea salt
  • 1 tsp. thyme
  • 2 tsp. cayenne
  • 1 tsp. black pepper
  • 1 tsp. paprika
  • 1 tsp. worcestershire sauce, liquid aminos, or coconut aminos (for smokiness)
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced

That’s it!

Directions:

  1. Mix seasonings together in small bowl (Don’t dump on top of the meat willy nilly like I did – it doesn’t mix as well and you get pockets of oh, say, cayenne, then you cough a lot and drink three glasses of water. But I live dangerously, so…) 2015-04-21 16.19.41
  2. Dump meat into large mixing bowl
  3. Sprinkle seasonings over ground meat and mix thoroughly with hands. If you’re using ground turkey, be careful not to overmix or the end result will have a mealy texture that is completely off putting and gag-inducing. I know this from personal experience. Just don’t overmix ground turkey. Ever.
  4. Cook as normal in oven or on stove-top

This recipe should serve 8 two-ounce portions.

2014-12-29 16.10.46

Now isn’t that easy AF? And if you don’t like the proportions of ingredients, it’s very easy to adjust them. You’re on a low sodium diet? Lower the salt by half. Don’t like your breakfast sausage spicy? Don’t use the cayenne pepper. Too much sage? Reduce it by half. Sometimes I like to play around with the usual recipe and throw something completely unexpected in like cumin, cinnamon, or nutmeg. That’s the thing about making your own food. You can adjust it to your personal preferences. Enjoy!

xoxo,

Kitchen Bitch

Standard